carpe diem?

Today was not a good day by any means. Luckily, I got a lot done.

I finally got my clothes all washed, I re-organized my closet, cleaned the whole apartment...

I should have been at the Blue and White game, but due to this new divorced parents bullshit, well, it fucks up lots of aspects of your life.

I needed to get things done though, so I'm glad I took the day to do all the things that I did.

I also got a fortune cookie tonight that I think says something really important to all I was just complaining about..

"The stars appear every night in the sky. All is well."

This is true, I needed to see that.

I walked outside tonight to take out the garbage and it was so beautiful out. Warm and breezy. Hopefully this weather will help me remember that all is well. God damn it, all I want to do is live my own life. Is that is that so hard to ask. When was it decided that I had to be the parents to my parents?

I'm watching Iron Chef which I love. That brings me a little bit of pleasure. It's the coffee episode. I like this one.

So, while watching, I am also Stumbling Upon to see what I can find. I found this...

http://www.needles-pens.com/plrdkiddartsale.html

I am jealous of two things. The documentary photographer himself, because that would be the most brilliant job in the world..

Anddd, for some strange reason, the railroad kids.

What would life be like if I didn't need money, or talk to my childish parents, or finish school?

What if I could just see the world. Do whatever the hell I feel like doing.

I think about MK who is Thailand. Her and a backpack. No parents, no school, no bullshit.

I know I would miss home, and my family, and my friends...

But at the same time I know I would miss them eventually.

Fuck. I just want to give up my phone, my internet (only using my laptop for writing I can upload later)

I want adventure. Or at least something different. I want to breathe, I want to grow. I want to just say fuck you to Penn State, to my school loans, to grades, and tests and stupid politico bullshit in the organizations I am in.

I want to leave and have people follow my travels through this.

I'm just so sheltered, and suffocated, all of these things I don't think about all the time but when I do, they hit hard.

I am so much more independent that I have ever been.

I want to live in a shack, eat pomegranates, listen to good music. I want to drink only tea and grow my own vegetables. I want to read for as many hours a day as my eyes can stand, I want it to be a constant 72 degrees.

I know I'm saying I want a lot right now, but I need the change.

I may be independent enough, but I'm not sure if I'm brave enough just yet.